Shiver Me Timbers

I am now officially, a pirate's wench.  At least through Thanksgiving anyway.

Tim was offered a part in Playcrafters' production of Treasure Island.  We talked in circles for quite a while when he got the email from the director.  He hadn't auditioned, but there was an opening and his director from Guys & Dolls suggested him.

He called me...to find out if I wanted him to do it.  I did...and I didn't.  (Kind of still in that place, actually.)  He loved doing Guys & Dolls and met some really neat people in the process... but I swear, I felt like I wasn't even married that last month or so.  It was harder than I thought it would be and I missed him so damned much...but at the same time, I don't ever want to be the reason he doesn't pursue something he honestly enjoys doing.  (Well, within reason- if he really enjoyed banging prostitutes, for instance, I would love being the reason he would no longer physically be able to pursue that particular activity).

Sometimes...it just seems like all of us are going in so many different directions at the same time and a part of me can't help but wonder if I'm holding him back from the directions he would really like to go.  I don't ever want him to feel trapped, and I know these kind of outlets (for both of us) help to make our lives whole.  One person can't be another's everything; it's too much, too intense, too cumbersome.

I think a part of me still doesn't really believe he chose me.  I can't believe how incredibly lucky I am to have found such a person to share my life with.  I feel like all I've brought him is stress, confusion, a psycho MIL, a bratty niece, a more-or-less absent BIL, and a wee little bald FIL.  I still find it hard to understand how one earth he can love me as he does.

I guess... I'm just afraid as he takes on these ventures...he's going to find something else, someone else, something better.  And I can't bear the thought.