I seem to have spiraled myself into a funk of epic proportions. I can't seem to find any motivation to do ANYTHING and I'm not sure how to pull myself out of it.
Historically, when faced with this problem, I've just let myself keep sinking lower and lower until I'm at a place where I'm unrecognizable to those that love me- and to myself. I choose not to do that at this point in my life. There's no point in it, only pain.
That being said- I guess I still don't quite have the tools to pull myself out of these moods. Is it, perhaps, a bi-polar down-swing? Could be. But I'm already medicated to the gills, so I don't think that's the answer.
I once gave advice to some fellow trying-to-quit smokers: FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT. As in, at that moment in time, I HATED not smoking- hated it with a fiery, fiery passion. I didn't care about what was logical or reasonable, didn't care that picking up a cigarette would just mean the shittiness of quitting AGAIN- right then, at that moment- I was in HELL. I wasn't going to sugar-coat it for myself or anyone else- quitting smoking wasn't fun, it wasn't easy, and in all honesty, for weeks on end, all I thought about was smoking. And as long as I kept clinging to the misery of quitting, chances were way high I would return to smoking.
So...I learned to fake it. I put on a happy face (to the majority of the world, sorry to those near to me who saw the "other Tina"), and I took a lot of deep breaths and I just didn't smoke. It was hard, it sucked ass, some days it still sucks ass, but I got through it.
So why can't I pull myself out of this? Have I just not found the right motivation? The right mind trick to kick my ass into gear? Or...do I just need to get the hell over it and move on?
I read in my social psychology book this semester (check it out- actually applying my college education to real life- whuda thunk?), something about how actions inspire emotions- as in, if you make a conscious effort to smile- even if you don't want to smile- your mood will improve. Following that logic, it would seem that I, again, need to fake it until I make it. However, I have yet to figure out how to fake motivation...this seems to be my stumbling block. Perhaps it's just a matter of getting up and doing something- anything- whether I feel like it or not. Okay, never mind- I know that's true- I don't need to test it out. What I need to figure out is how to get to that first step other than paying someone to either knock me upside the head with a 2x4 or ram a cattle prod up my ass...
